So Many Gift Cards, So Little Interest In Finding A Parking Space

Clearly you are overdue for a nap when your eyes start doing a dead-fish-floating thing to the back of your head. And yet, here I am. I enjoy myself a good sleep, I just don't like going to bed. I may hem and haw and stall every which way to get out of it, but once I'm there, I don't want to leave. Hmm, I may be that way about a lot of things.

Remember when you were younger, the day after Christmas break you wanted to wear the brand new sweater? The one that was actually decent, unlike the turtleneck/vest combo with a snowman pattern from Aunt Sally. But you didn't want to announce to the entire school "Hey! Look at me! I got a new sweater for Christmas! I'm going to wear another new sweater tomorrow, too!" So you considered waiting a day or two to ease it into your wardrobe cycle. Such mental anguish, I know.

Worse - the burning desire to tell everyone I know what I got, from who, and what the story is behind each gift. I hope it's not an "Ooh! Look at me and my new stuff!" thing, but more of an "Aren't my friends and family swell?" kind of thing. A little bit of both? Yeah, you're probably right. It's not intentional.

So my Mom got me gift cards, but she hates to just send gift cards, because it's too impersonal, and not fun to open, so she also sends this little Santa Bear, with a gift card holder, which is really cute, that way it's not just a gift card, plus she.....

Did you do the valley girl voice as you read it? I totally did as I was typing it, like for sure!

In Case I Don't See You

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

0 dollars in wallet.
1 gift left to buy.
2 days to go.
15-18 working hours per day.
1200 milligrams of Advil.

Bah Humbugs They Are

Hmph.

While I enjoy receiving, and I really do, if I had to choose, I'd rather give than receive. I'm just that kind of girl. A pleaser, if you will. I like to make people happy.

(Gift giving and receiving.... although I guess that could be a gift. Do they have gift cards for that? I'm sure they do.)

So I gave my entire staff gift bags of candy and Christmas cards thanking them for their hard work. Each person got a gift card for a store tailored to their wants and needs, and an extra gift so there was something to actually unwrap, not just a piece of plastic money.

What were they most excited about? The candy.

How many people said thank you? All of them.

How many people said it like they meant it and were touched that I put so much thought, time and yes, money, into their gifts? Two. Maybe three.

How much did that make me feel kinda blah and unappreciated. Very.

I like people to be enthusiastic. I like them to appreciate kind thoughts and actions. I don't like them to expect gifts. And I don't like them to feel they are entitled to gifts. I shouldn't have to bribe people to do their jobs. While I want to thank them for their work, it isn't part of the pay package.

And this goes for my unthankful, thoughtless, stingy sister as well. Not that she reads this. I use dirty words and suggestive phrasing and read Harry Potter. Clearly, I'm unclean.

Imagine If I Suffered From Substance Abuse

Twice last week I woke up singing "The Most Wonderful Day of the Year" in my head. Or rather, the first two lines of the song:

We're on the Island of Misfit Toys.
Here we don't want to stay.

And playing in cinematic glory are images from a movie I've yet to see: The Island, with Scarlett Johansson and Ewan McGregor.

And Yours?

Despite the fact that holiday music has been inescapable for nearly a month, there are some songs which manage not to give me a nervous eye twitch:

Santa Baby
Sleigh Ride
Winter Wonderland
Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Carol of the Bells
All I Want For Christmas
Christmas Waltz
Christmas Wrapping
Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24

Fond memories of singing in the school chorus or marching in parades. Well, fond may be stretching it a bit.

I love Barenaked for the Holidays, particularly God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman/We Three Kings, performed with Sarah McLachlan.

Brian Setzer Orchestra (an amazing live act) have a Christmas album out this year, Dig That Crazy Christmas, which is also great.

Ha Ha

Did I say I'd have a day off this week?

My mistake.

Maybe next week.

Solicitation, And If You're Feeling Generous, Distribution

You might be asking yourself: Why would she take her car back to a mechanic who is proving unreliable and possibly criminal?

It's a bad case of Force of Habit. That, mixed with sleep deprivation and stress, and I just go for what's the norm. I would say I'm a goober, but this probably qualifies as dumbass.

After a worry-filled night, the car is back thanks to Bob*, complete with a new vacuum hose and a sense of relief.

The visit from Boss went ok enough. Only one more day and then, finally, a day off, just in time to finish the little shopping I have left.

I am obsessed with the prospect of a new car. I mean, I love my car, I'm very lucky to have her. She has served me well and I will be forever in debt to the nice guy at Toyota who worked some financial magic to be sure I got a car.

Anyone have an opinion on Toyotas? I'm going to stick with the dealer I went to last time. I long for a Rav4, but the Matrix and the Corolla also have my attention, thanks to decent pricing. I suck at car stuff tho, and while I have spent a great amount of time clicking around Carmax and Edmunds and the Toyota site itself, personal opinions would be great.

My Mechanic

My mechanic is a very good mechanic. He came well recommended by a co-worker, whose very picky husband has been taking their cars there for years. I too have been taking my car there for years, approximately three.

My mechanic has a very busy shop, and not a lot of space, so getting your car in can be troublesome, as are his Monday-Friday, 8 am-ish to 5 pm-on-the-dot hours.

My mechanic recently got divorced, and got a new girlfriend.

My mechanic was in jail 2 months ago, for "unpaid tickets", and took 4 days to fix the last problem on my car.

My mechanic made me leave the "Pay To The Order Of" portion of the check blank, last time I paid him for repairs. And the canceled check has an illegible scribble in its place.

My mechanic was not at the shop today when we dropped off the car. Instead we left it with one of the usual workers. Interestingly enough, he was the only worker there. Again.

My mechanic never called to tell us what was going on with the car.

My mechanic's phone number has been disconnected.

My mechanic's shop was all locked up, with my car inside, when I arrived tonight.

My mechanic's shop neighbor said my mechanic has not been paying his bills or showing up, and when asked if any work had been done on any of the vehicles, the neighbor said no, because Bob* doesn't know when or if he will be paid, so he just opens and closes each day.

My mechanic is holding my car hostage, and I WANT HER BACK. Service Engine Soon light and all.

My mechanic is going to get his ass kicked if I don't get my car back tomorrow morning.
--------------
And, my boss is coming for a visit tomorrow, I have a 2 hour break for dinner before I have to go back until 11:00 pm, after getting up at 6:30 am, which I will have to do again tomorrow morning.

I'm not whining, I'm just fucking pissed at the world at this moment. Aren't you glad you stopped by?

A Slice of the Pity Pie

Dear Co-Workers - When I said to drink your Orange Juice and take your vitamins, I meant it. Working 15 hours a day thanks to your illness does not make me a Happy Santa. And since I'm your boss, that makes you one hell of an Unhappy Elf upon your return.

(And please, I'm not cold and heartless, everyone gets sick, but when two people are out for a week, and someone ups and decides NOW is a good time for an impromptu vacation, I'm gonna get a little cranky. One day off a week AND 15 hour days?)

Dear Bessie - I assume you overheard us talking about getting a new vehicle. We aren't (or weren't, depending on your diagnosis) going to replace you. It was the truck we were talking about. She's so much older than you, we assumed you were in better health. Looks can be deceiving I guess. You are too old to be acting out like this, like a teenager. Shape up or we shall ship you out.

(That pesky Service Engine Soon light came on again. Luckily this time there is no stalling or exploding airbags, just a little hesitation, which could be in my head. Still, it sucks to take your car into the shop, especially when you have to work at 8 am. Damn car. Better be a simple little thing, b/c if it costs too much to repair, it will be the car that goes right back to the dealer she came from. They should like me there, I just paid that car off two months ago. I'm sure they'd be willing to charge me outrageously for a newer one.)

Oh, there's more. Bad, very bad employees and fights with the boss. Being harassed at the gas station. Credit card bills. Lack of Christmas decorations.

Wah.

Well That Explains It Then

Ah, horoscopes. So vague, so easily applied:

It may feel as if your progress at work has come to a stop, like a frozen moment on a movie screen. You now have a chance to explore the circumstances in your life that have reached their limit. Change is just around the corner, but this need not be frightening. Instead, take a deep breath and consciously decide what you want to do next.

Maybe I should read Who Moved My Cheese? this weekend. Oh I know change is a comin' but I'm not so good with the changing, no.

Time to go to work, also known as Vicious Cycle Inc.

The Show That SHOULD Be On HGTV

What Do These People Do For A Living?!

Yes, I had some cheese with it, and it was tasty.

I just wrote an entire post whining about the funk I am in and realized, if I don't even want to read it, why would you?

As long as it doesn't go on too much longer, I'm going to chalk it up to the time of year, and move forward.

Maybe I'll even write an acceptable post now and then.

If You Or Someone You Love....

The scene takes place at the mall.
Two shoppers need a quick pick-me-up.


Shopper #1 - "Where's a good place to get a Coke?"

Shopper #2 - "Well let's see, we're near the food court. Napoli Pizza is ok, a little flat. DQ/Orange Julius is too sweet. McDonald's has the best syrup to carbonation ratio, but Chik-fil-A is a better deal. No matter how thirsty you are, don't waste your money on a drink from Panda, it's like putting a straw in a vat of syrup, the taste is so thick and sweet."

Shopper #1 - "Um, I just meant the closest place really."


Don't let High Fructose Corn Syrup Addiction rule your life.
Get help now. Dial 1-800-SUGARME

Google Him

I've been trying for over half an hour to type up a little introduction for one of my favorite poets. I give up. Type Billy Collins into Google and enjoy. I heard him speak a few years ago, and fell in literary love. Here's a sample:


The Country

I wondered about you
when you told me never to leave
a box of wooden, strike-anywhere matches
lying around the house because the mice
might get into them and start a fire.

But your face was absolutely straight
when you twisted the lid down on the round tin
where the matches, you said, are always stowed.
Who could sleep that night?

Who could whisk away the thought
of the one unlikely mouse
padding along a cold water pipe
behind the floral wallpaper
gripping a single wooden match
between the needles of his teeth?

Who could not see him rounding a corner,
the blue tip scratching against a rough-hewn beam,
the sudden flare, and the creature
for one bright, shining moment
suddenly thrust ahead of his time —
now a fire-starter, now a torchbearer
in a forgotten ritual, little brown druid
illuminating some ancient night.

Who could fail to notice,
lit up in the blazing insulation,
the tiny looks of wonderment on the faces
of his fellow mice, onetime inhabitants
of what once was your house in the country?