And If You Tell Anyone, I'll Deny It Completely

I miss California.
Dooce is blogging about LA, damn her, and with the heat, the humidity and all the other woe-is-me going on, it's enough to make me forget all the reasons we decided to move in the first place.

But it could just be the Sudafed PE talking - working with the public makes me sick.

We're planning a CA visit for April 2008, money permitting of course. Once I crunched the numbers, I briefly debated whether I'd enjoy a plasma tv more. Travel is not cheap. Then of course there's always Vegas instead. No ocean tho, but I've been told we have the ocean around Florida. Who knew? All I've seen are horses. But with Vegas there's the promise of sin, and who doesn't need more of that in their lives? If you're gonna throw away money, might as well enjoy it!

But it could just be the Travel Channel talking - someone got paid the big bucks for a full day of peddling the glamorous side of Sin City this past week.

Brought To You By....

Let's face it, any place as hot, humid and overgrown as Florida will spawn all manner of expletive-worthy creepy crawlies. After (cough) years as a resident, I'm still not accustomed to the bird-sized mosquitoes you nickname as they feast, the palmetto bugs that show off their 4 ft wingspan as you approach.

However, I've managed to abide by the Usurper Treaty of Long Long Ago, protecting myself with the Live and Let Live, Unless You Scare Me clause of Section B, Part 2. I'm also a big fan of the Leave No Bug Behind Program. If there are no bugs left, who can scurry back and tell the rest of the army what just went down?

With the summer comes the bugs. And swarming, flying, stinging baddies too. Luckily our pest control is pretty good at the apartment. Or so I thought. (cue dramatic music)

As these stories often start, I was just sitting here, minding my own business (and yours, because I've been doing a little blog-hopping tonight) when I detected movement on the wall across from the desk. Blending easily in the shadows thrown by little desk lamp, was a spider. A very big spider. A very spastic, apparently caffeinated spider the size of my fist, scurrying around like it had disco fever.
Or Restless Leg Syndrome.

We're not talking Daddy Longlegs size either. This was a full on "Bob-Put-the-Kids-in-the-Mini-Van" sized spider. The kind you don't dare take your eyes off of until you absolutely have to because you know as soon as you look away it's going to hide somewhere you can't find it and come in the night to carry you into the Forbidden Forest.

Luckily, we had the Ultra SpyderMate 3000 within easy reach. That's right, this model is lighter, faster and easier to clean than the previous 2200 model. The Ultra SpyderMate 3000 (known as the Evercare Large Lint Roller in some locations) makes bug killing a dignified process. The sticky tape makes quick work of the offending pest while the 3 ft reach of the handle provides a neutral buffer zone. Just keep a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser handy. Because, you know.... residue.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to play find the spider before I can fall asleep tonight. These types always travel in pairs.

The ABP Put Out An APB

Dear Blogger,

Thank you for remembering me, when apparently I could not even remember myself. Nor my password. Or the email address I used to set up this account. Thank you for blog-sitting all these many months. You even sprayed for spam! What a doll. The time away has made me appreciate you and the service, the outlet you provide, even more.

Unfortunately, I cannot lay any claim to the betterment of mankind while I have been away. No curing of disease or making of peace. I've just been a lazy bizzle. You understand, don't you Blogger? I'm not your first inattentive poster, am I? What with your automatic draft saving capabilities and simpleton friendly design, I bet you have thousands, possibly millions of bloggers vying for your attentions. Don't you? DON'T YOU???

But I digress. I've come to let you know that until I am released from the Apathetic Blogger Program (you didn't call them on me, did you sweetie?) I will only be allowed the occasional guest post on Etcher's blog. (Guess now I know he's been moonlighting with the ABP. All those nights I wondered, staying up late, watching the clock, waiting for the call.....) But you'll put in a good word for me, won't you baby? You know I want to come back. Don't forget me!

Until then,
Cindy