Definitely Not a Sexy Post

If you are under the misguided impression that your voice does not cause dogs and small children to scratch at their ears in pain, do not use a digital recorder to tape yourself singing in the car. It seems like fun at the time, but it will take more than a fifth of whiskey to calm you down when you realize you sound like William Hung's long lost southern cousin.

I'm finally feeling better. The only sign I was ever sick? That Cough. You know the one, it lingers for months, years even. Which I can deal with, except, well, I inherited my families cough. Passed down from generation to generation, evident even as a toddler, The Cough is really a homing device. It's like a game of Marco Polo at my work, they simply follow the sound of my barking. And it's not just any cough. I liken it to a dying sea lion, or at the very least a Great Dane with emphysema. As a kid, when the family was sick together, I worried the neighbors would call the authorities, certain we had an illegal kennel set up in our house.